Serving
Serving people is very hard - it costs, and the person it costs is the person who is serving - but it is better to persevere than to give up when it gets hard.Ever since the weekend when the BB guys came round for the demo derby car my internet connection has been a bit flakely - I had also noticed that quite a few of the apps on my iMac had been opened, including my personal email program, and the IM that only I use.
So I wasn't exactly feeling positive about the BB guys - clearly mutliple computers and an xbox still wasn't enough, they also had to poke around on my computer.
Anyway I got home today and the net was down - so I poked around on the PC which is the router for the home network, and found that some of the BB guys had decided to install Messenger on the box out the back - this annoyed me a bit cos I had been asked and I said "no, look use the laptop instead, thus allowing two people on MSN". I wasn't happy, but just uninstalled MSN restarted and things seemed fine. Seemed fine.....
I have just finished half an hour of working my way through all the checks you do when your internet connection dies for no reason, eventually I found the problem was loadqm.exe causing my firewall to bring everything to it's knees while it waited for me to allow or disallow the messages loadqm.exe was sending.
I disabled it from the startup items and then deleted it and everything is now fine again [clearly]. But I was quite upset - I had wasted half an hour fixing something, that I would not have had to fix if they had not installed MSN, which I had asked them not to do anyway. So I decided, that's it, no computers, no network, no xbox - next time nothing, work on the car and if you get bored go home.
And then I stopped and thought ...
You see, I let them use my gear because I do believe the things I have are not just for me to use on me and that I am here to serve others [just like Jesus was] and this is one way I can serve the BB guys - it also makes the house a place to hang out so that the BB leaders can use the time to get to know the guys better and have a chance to talk to them about God.
In the end, yes I was put out, but that is a part of service - it is nice when you can serve and not have it cost you - but the reality is that real service costs the server - I have forgotten that, forgotten that I am here to serve and to keep on serving no matter what, Jesus did the same thing on the cross, it wasn't easy [understatement] but he knew that what he was doing was so important for us that He had to do it - and because of what Jesus did anyone who believes and trusts in that can be right with God.
I will talk to the guys the next time they come, and remind them that they are guests who are using stuff that isn't theirs and so they have to look after it - but I will let them use it again because that is one way I can serve them - and serving others is what Jesus did and I want to be like Him.
